she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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