wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
