i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
