The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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