I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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