Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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