Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize