My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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