first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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