her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I checked into jail on foursquare
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
