Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
