my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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