yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
