Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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