i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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