Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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