Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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