i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
