if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
