Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
