Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's always time for handjobs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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