JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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