I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize