i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
