i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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