Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
