i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
