you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
