think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
