If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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