Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
