We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
