I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
