...so i touched it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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