He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
