Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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