I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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