He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
