Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
