yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We have started to decorate penises.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
