you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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