I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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