I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
