I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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