im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
