I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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