He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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