he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
