White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Come share oat with me in your robe
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
