I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
