How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
