If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
