why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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