That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
