And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
