I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
