i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
