Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
