i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize