My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
