I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
