I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
even my farts smell like vagina
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
