You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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