Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
