so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
