I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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