i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
