i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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