I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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