he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
