She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
