We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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