my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
