i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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