just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
