In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize