Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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