Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
