Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
