This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
