It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
